As we wrap up 2023, it could be useful to reflect on our practices when it comes to our relationship with work, other people and anything else.
Burnout has been a hot topic as of late and I am very happy that it is becoming more well known. This post will explore what burnout actually is, how to recognise it within yourself and what to do about it.

Burnout is a term coined in the 70’s, and is a state of physical, mental or emotional exhaustion. It describes the consequences of chronic stress and high standards in any working environment. I would like to expand this definition to any relationship too: your relationship with work, with other people, partners, family members, goals and aspirations, money, etc.
It is actually a systemic problem. So it would make sense that it presents often in a work environment. But having just read Prince Harry's book: Spare; I would also apply the term to any culture and family systems too! If you have read the book, you will see why the 6 aspects listed below apply.
However, it is currently only recognised in the ICD-11 diagnostic manual (WHO, 2019) as occupational burnout, meaning that workplace stress, which has not been successfully managed results in burnout.
I would like to add that stress in and of itself, is not a bad thing. Our bodies are designed to tolerate stress for SHORT PERIODS OF TIME. This is healthy and adaptive. We naturally return to a baseline where our nervous system can actually relax and restore. Our bodies will run into problems however, if there is a constant steady stream of cortisol running through our veins, which is how I describe chronic stress.
Many people describe the feelings associated with burnout as dread, demoralization, exhaustion, and apathy. For example, I knew that I was beginning to feel burnout in one job because I would fantasize about being sick or breaking my leg, so that I would have an excuse not to go into work.
But you could theoretically feel this way about anything that is in your life currently. You might also notice burnout as an aversion to that particular place, person or thing. You might also notice that you become less effective in that area of your life, whether that is work or within a relationship.
Feeling ashamed by this, or trying to hide your symptoms, while “pushing through it” will tighten the grip on the struggle with burnout.
There are six aspects where you may feel misaligned, which may then result in your struggle with burnout.
Make a note of how many of these you identify in your life.
1. Workload
Too much work, not enough time or resources. This might be simpler to apply this to occupational burnout, but consider the workload and resources you may also need in your relationship with anything or anyone else too.
2. Control
Having a sense of autonomy and control can feel really empowering, but having too much responisbility and accountability without much influence or control on the outcomes, can be super distressing. My personal example I mentioned above was when I was a nurse. I always felt the pressure to maintain my high standards, but felt burned out when I did not feel as though I was making any sort of impact.
3. Reward
If there is a low level of satisfaction, acknowledgment or pay, instead of being appreciated for all that you are, and all that you offer.
4. Community
If there is a sense of separation, isolation, conflict or disrespect, instead of feeling of unity, harmony, connection, safety and respect.
5. Fairness
If there is a sense of discrimination or favouritism, instead of feeling a sense of equality.
6. Values
Finally, if you are finding that there are ethical clashes, or meaningless tasks, instead of your relationship or work aligning with your values, and what is most meaningful and important for you (Leiter & Maslach, 1999).
Moving forward
You may be able to tolerate some of these aspects of misalignments, but trying to tolerate too many, or trying to tolerate misalignments in aspects that are the most meaningful to you for too long, will result in burnout. Being able to recognise and remedy these aspects, working towards more alignment, will improve your symptoms, motivation and energy.
Please do work towards recognising your symptoms of burnout, because whatever gets supressed, will be expressed, one way or another, whether we like it or not. It is well known now that chronic emotional stress, leads to physical health problems. Whereas feelings of safety and containment within the context of a relationship or community or workplace, leads to growth and health (Porges, 2022)!
Many people manage burnout by taking a vacation every once and a while, but if you are returning to the same situation that got you burned out enough to buy an all expenses paid trip to Mexico, then this is not a sustainable strategy.
You can go on all the vacations, but if you’re going back to that same situation, none of those breaks will touch the sides. We have to work on making the relationship more sustainable. And if this is not possible, you may need to consider showing up differently, or leaving altogether, for the sake of your health and your sanity.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this post and if it was relevant to your life and experience. Please leave a comment below or reach out with any questions or requests for information on anything discussed here.
References
Leiter, M. & Maslach, C. (1999). Six areas of worklife: A model of the organizational context of burnout. Journal of Health and Human Services Administration, 21(4): 472-89. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/12693291_Six_areas_of_worklife_A_model_of_the_organizational_context_of_burnout
Porges, S. (2022). Polyvagal theory: A science of safety. Frontiers in Integrative Neuroscience, 16. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnint.2022.871227
World Health Organization. (2019). International statistical classification of diseases and related health problems (11th ed.). https://icd.who.int/
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