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Goal setting for humans.

Writer's picture: Sam StoneSam Stone

goal setting for humans

I love this time of year. My level of hope and motivation is at an all time high and I have a fresh new composition book at the ready to help me make and achieve my goals for the year. This article will explore the relationship between goal setting and burnout and will offer a recommendation based on Nagoski & Nagoski’s (2020) work, for which there is an affiliate link. I want you to leave this post feeling empowered, inspired and curious to explore an alternative way of thinking about and taking action towards your goals for 2024!


You may have noticed that I have written a couple of blog posts previously on the subject of burnout, as I have wanted to learn more about the subject for my own benefit, as well as for the people I serve.


Since having a baby almost a year ago, it has felt like my brain has changed to adapt to my new current reality. My free time, my relationships, my self care and my sleeping habits have all changed.


You know what else has changed? My ability to reach my goals. I have been using an old system which no longer serves me or my little family. The system I used and would prescribe for other people, including my clients was the acronym SMART. It stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely. Although the name is catchy and easy to remember, I personally had mixed success using this system and it was simply not effective for many of my clients for lots of reasons.


Emily and Amelia Nagoski (2020) wrote Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle. I began listening to this book last week and have listened to half of it so far, and I already highly recommend.


The authors have a refreshing and compassionate perspective on why it is so damn difficult to close the gap between our current reality and our perceived ideal. In particular, “the game is rigged”.  Patriarchy and capitalism makes certain success more attainable for some, and harder for others, and being blind to this leads to unintentionally ‘gaslighting’ the folks who it is harder for.


In addition, it is normal to only experience tiny increments of improvement, and we likely will not see the world how we hope to see it within our lifetime. Think global warming, racism and gender equality. Think of all the people throughout history who have advocated and fought for these things, who never got to see the effects of their work before they died.


I don’t know about you, but taking these things into account automatically helps me chill a little bit when it comes to setting expectations on myself. Here is the alternative system to goal setting. It doesn't spell out anything and does not have easy-to-remember initials (SCPCSP). But it does have elements that SMART lacks. Such as immediate, short term goals within your control that feel good! Tapping into that emotion and body element #smashthepatriarchy. See how it could apply to one of your goals, and then please let us know in the comments section how it is working out for you.


Goal setting system:

Soon


Your goal should be achievable without requiring patience.


Certain


Your goal should be within your control.


Positive


It should be something that feels good, not just something that avoids suffering!


Concrete


what is measurable. This could be about asking yourself “do I feel authentic?” “does this align with my values?” or “do I feel joy?”


Specific


You’re not asking yourself; “is this morally right?” or “should this align with my values?” or “should this make me happy? You’re asking “do I feel authentic?” “does this align with my values?” or “do I feel joy?”


Personal


Adjust your goal to make it as personally relevant to you as possible. If you’re not striving towards what it is that is making you happy, maybe its more about what your grading professors will think of your work, or maybe its more about the relationship between you and your partner.


Nagoski and Nagoski (2020) write that incremental goals means that the success of achieving them is a reward in and of itself. I could not agree more because I experience this same dopamine rush when I check off things on my to-do lists. No additional reward necessary, thank you very much.


I have personally applied this system in writing this very blog post. It’s a short term goal, which is a part of a much larger, long term goal. But focusing too much on the long term goal is what usually gets me burned out in the first place. Its intimidating to start, and frustrating and exhausting along the way. Like gearing up to reach the top of a mountain.


Why not read or listen to this book yourself? You can buy it here now and listen to it instantly via Audible or read it instantly via Kindle.


If you would like to know more about how counselling could help you move towards your goals, please reach out via my contact page. We could chat more about this during a free and absolutely no obligation initial consultation. I look forward to hearing from you!


Reference


Nagoski, E. & Nagoski, A. (2020). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books


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I respectfully acknowledge that I am a settler on the unceded and ancestral territory of the syilx people, and I accept my responsibility to humbly educate myself and act for the advancement of decolonization on these lands. 

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