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Celebrating Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) awareness month.

Writer's picture: Sam StoneSam Stone

Even using the word 'celebrating' in the same sentence as BPD feels controversial, but I am genuinely optimistic of BPD and I love working with this population. And I want to say this as sensitively and respectfully as possible, because people who are living with BPD are some of my favourite people to know and work with.



However, I know that for many people living with BPD, it is incredibly difficult and confusing and everyday can feel like an intense struggle. And for that, I really wouldn't wish BPD on my worst enemy. But, I have found that people living with BPD are some of the most kind, sensitive and soul seeking people I have ever met. I really want this article to be helpful to as many people as possible. [If you want to skip over this and go straight to the helpful bit, just click here]. Although I do have an optimistic view on BPD but I don't want to discount or minimize the intense struggles and difficulties that this diagnosis brings either.


I realize that these represent some sweeping generalizations and may not be true for everyone living with BPD, but I do have some observations I have about people living with BPD, which include

  • You tend to be your own worst enemy

  • You have a wicked sense of humour

  • You’re creative

  • Even if you don’t see yourself as creative, you have a great sense of music and movies

  • You can be extroverted, friendly and the life of the party. You’re very likable

  • Fostering deep relationships can feel uncomfortable and scary, even though you just want to feel safe in your own vulnerability with another person

  • You can push people away and are often confused by this

  • You might be a little (or a lot) rusty on skills such as interpersonal effectiveness and emotional regulation

  • BPD often shows up with other things like trauma, anxiety, depression, and ADHD, and there are a lot of similarities that show up in the nervous system. So it can be really tricky to differentiate from each other

  • You most likely have felt misunderstood, even by your own family or friends, even by your own very self. Most of all, from professionals in the health field and I am embarrassed to say in the mental health field too.


I don’t want to give this next bit too much air time because it feels like I’m giving something that I am passionately against too much attention, but I do want to acknowledge the outdated, boring and lame stigma that BPD still has even in the year 2024. I had an interview just the other day where the person was shocked about my opinion and insights about BPD, commenting that a lot of professionals that she speaks to, still have a negative opinion about it. I am determined to change that narrative and if you have BPD, I want you to know that it does not define you, and that it is simply a part of you.


Fun fact about BPD: people living with BPD have so much insight of themselves and are very likely to want to learn about it and make efforts to improve their quality of life, heading into remission and even recovery.


A lot of people think that BPD means that you will always be and stay a certain way and there is no hope for improvement. Check out the most recent research loves! Especially within the last five years. I personally have way too much anecdotal evidence which has shown me that people can improve their BPD symptoms, relationships and quality of life.


Because BPD tends to stem a lot from so-called ‘relational-trauma’, it is very beneficial to have regular therapy, to build up trust and a therapeutic relationship, where you have a regular, consistent place to go, to talk about and work on anything that is at the forefront of your mind and your life. Your therapist will be able to give you tailored and specific care to help you foster a great relationship with yourself.


However, the internet and books and other resources are also a major source of information to help you on your journey, whether you have, or live, or work with someone who has BPD. Please do get informed about what it is, where it comes from and how it shows up for you. You do not need to be scared of BPD! In fact, I bet some of your favourite people may also have it. Here is a list of well-known people who may have had BPD.


  • Brandon Marshall

  • Doug Ferrari

  • Jim Carrey

  • Amy Winehouse

  • Robbie Williams

  • Britney Spears

  • Princess Diana

  • Marilyn Monroe


If you do just need some general information, tips and guidance on how to improve your interpersonal skills and emotion regulation skills, you can enter into a rabbit hole of information and work by the great Marsha Linehan, creater of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy and queen. She is fascinating, hilarious and happens to have a diagnosis of BPD herself. She found that there were no adequate treatment options for her, so created DBT and now it has a ton of evidence base. Thank you Marsha! I have written a little article on interpersonal effectiveness if you just want a taste.


If you need some general guidance on how to improve your emotion regulation. I really recommend looking up The Window of Tolerance, as well as really getting to know what triggers you into states of hyperarousal or hypoarousal. The more information and data you can collect for yourself, the more power you will have to know what you need to prioritize.


What I am super excited about right now though is a modality called Internal Family Systems (IFS). According to IFS, we have multiple people inside our brains called ‘parts’, like the Disney movie Inside Out. And each part can ‘take over’ in our seat of consciousness, depending on what ‘activates’ it. But beneath all that, we have a core essence, or as IFS likes to call it a Self with a capital ‘S’. This is a little bit like the idea that there will always be the sun and the sky, but sometimes clouds or cranes, or buildings, or other things will obstruct our view of it. The work of IFS involves getting to know our very many parts, who somewhere along the way in our journey of life, took on a protective-type role and just never left it. For example, an addictive part may be protecting us from feeling a particular type of way. So we want to get to know our parts, thank them for their efforts in trying to protect us and then begin to build trust with them again, so that they don’t feel as compelled to ‘take over’ when triggered in the future.


This is radical in the treatment of BPD, because the inner critic tends to be so strong. So you might fear that part, hate it even. It feels so counter intuitive to want to get to know it. The idea of this reminds me of those movies where two feuding characters get stuck in an elevator, or get stuck in a certain situation, only to find that over time, they begin to notice that they have things in common and end up liking each other. That is why I think IFS could be an amazing option to try for BPD. Imagine cultivating trust and safety within the brain, body and whole nervous system in this way!


Please please go and read or listen to ‘No Bad Parts’, which could be available free from your local library or the app Libby.


References


Balaratnasingam, S., & Janca, A. (2020). Recovery in borderline personality disorder: time for optimism and focussed treatment strategies. Current opinion in psychiatry, 33(1), 57–61. https://doi.org/10.1097/YCO.0000000000000564


Borderline Arts (2023). Do any celebrities have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? https://www.borderlinearts.org/single-post/2018/11/27/do-any-celebrities-have-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd


BorderlinerNotes (2017, Apr 14)a. Emotion regulation strategies for BPD | Marsha Linehan. [YouTube]. Video. https://youtu.be/lXFYV8L3sHQ?si=EnigdEupgTsao2L-


BorderlinerNotes (2017, Apr 14)b. The core components of DBT | Marsha Linehan. [YouTube]. Video. https://youtu.be/bULL3sSc_-I?si=14tvm3rI38VBBUBX


Inspire Malibu (2020, May 13). Famous people with borderline personality disorder. https://www.inspiremalibu.com/blog/mental-health/famous-people-with-borderline-personality-disorder/


National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine. (NICABM). (2019). How to Help Your Clients Understand Their Window of Tolerance [Infographic]. https://www.nicabm.com/trauma-how-to-help-your-clients-understand-their-window-of-tolerance/


Schwartz, R. (2021). No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. Sounds True.


Soloff P. H. (2021). Bridging the Gap Between Remission and Recovery in BPD: Qualitative Versus Quantitative Perspectives. Journal of personality disorders, 35(1), 21–40. https://doi.org/10.1521/pedi_2019_33_419

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